Queer Eye for the Straight Bride

As heard on National Public Radio’s ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, 29 March 2004, Commentary

[adapted from a column originally published in the Free Times, 25 Feb 2004]

by ED MADDEN

As the lights went down for the bridal show, the dance beat of Widelife's "All Things (Just Keep Getting Better)" filled the auditorium. The theme song from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" provided the soundtrack for a parade of models in formal wear and wedding gowns at the statewide bridal show.

Out in the exhibit hall, I was at the S.C. Gay and Lesbian Community Center table – right there between Mary Kay cosmetics and a wedding photographer.

We were there at the annual bridal show to distribute a same-sex wedding guide, in part because of what had happened to a friend of ours at a local formal wear shop. A woman who worked with my partner, Bert, had decided to get married to her partner. When the shop assistant refused to help them, refused to measure one for a tuxedo, they left, humiliated and crying. She walked in after her lunch break, clearly upset. And Bert decided then that something needed to be done.

So we decided to put together a wedding guide for same-sex couples, listing ministers, florists, caterers, photographers, and formal wear shops. At first we distributed the guide through the gay and lesbian community center, but when we heard about the bridal show, we thought, why not? This was practical. This was meeting folks where they are. This was the place where people were talking about marriage.

What we heard over and over from people walking past the table was, "I'm glad you're here."

As we talked about weddings for same-sex couples, two women came up and whispered, "That's us." They seemed thrilled – even relieved – to find us there.

We distributed every copy of the guide for same-sex weddings. Everyone knew someone gay. A photographer told us about inviting her gay brother-in-law to her wedding – against the groom's wishes. A cosmetics vendor stopped by to tell us about her lesbian mother-in-law and her partner of many years. One young woman picked up copies of everything we had to send to her gay uncle living in a small, rural town.

This was not a political protest. There were no reporters, no cameras, no signs. Just a gay couple with a platter of homemade candies and store-bought cookies, a stack of wedding resource guides, and the story of a couple turned away at a formal wear shop.

Many legislators, both in my home state and in the nation's capitol, are trying prohibit same-sex marriages. In South Carolina they're even trying to prohibit partner benefits.

But the people walking through the bridal show suggested to us that the culture is changing in ways that belie discriminatory legislation and election-year theatrics. They know gay marriage isn't a threat to them.

As the exhibit hall quieted and the crowd disappeared into the auditorium, the music started up. "All things just keep getting better."

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An educator, writer and activist in Columbia, Ed Madden is an associate professor at the University of South Carolina. With his partner, Bert Easter, he serves on the board of the Gay and Lesbian Community Center in Columbia, SC.

The commentary is available online at:

www.npr.org/rundowns/rundown.php?prgDate=29-Mar-2004&prgId=2

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